Bashert or Blew It???

Hello all,

I haven't written in a long while. Not much to tell. Same old same old.

Nothing changes in my life.

I dated a girl a few years ago. I love her and I think she loved me. However, there were issues so I broke up with her and have been thinking about her ever since.

Sometimes I felt like she was the one for me, and other times I felt like if I try with her again, it would be like fitting a square peg into a round opening (no sexual inuendo there, I promise)...and I really really don't want to end up like so sleazy married guys online looking for something different because they feel like they regret their past choices or just feel like they missed out.

It was tearing me up inside.

Recently, I contacted this girl, and asked her if she wanted to talk.

She said no thank you, that she was seeing someone and it was very serious.

I'm very happy for her. I wished her well.

I felt both loss and relief. Loss, that I might have missed my bashert, a wonderful sweet frum girl who would be an amazing wife and mother.

But also relief, that after years of wondering, pondering, I can finally let her go, at least the idea of her.

I just hope and pray to H-shem that I don't end up 50 and single :(

Gayness or Goyness??

Hello friends...and enemies.

It's been about 6 weeks since my last posting.

I guess I just didn't have anything new to report from my boring, stagnant life.

I've received many comments and emails of people both supporting and deriding me for my feelings and actions.

I want to make a few points.

1) I am not gay...never have been, never will be. The people who write here that i am use the fact that I didn't have sex with the woman i met to prove that I'm gay.

I don't know when having a conscience and halachic standards (yes, halachic standards even for me) indicates that a person's gay. It's like saying that a sincerely frum guy who is shomer negia is gay too, even though he may masturbate in private.

Their position is that since I'm having phone sex with women, I must not be frum, and therefore, I shouldn't have any problem doing any other sins relating to sexuality.

I agree that I may be a hypocrite and I might look frummer than i actually am...but that doesn't mean that I can't try my best at whatever else is out there.

Just because i have phone sex, doesn't mean i shouldn't try to keep shabbos better, or to try to hold myself from saying lashon hara, or even from having sex for real.

2) Many (not all) people who have told me I'm gay are the same people who have emailed me in private asking me to introduce them to women I know or to ask for where I meet these women etc. They want tips.

Since I never divulge anything, they have gotten upset at me. I guess being angry and jealous makes people throw accusations and insults. However, my life is really nothing to be jealous of, believe me. Not a good life to have

So, whoever wants to believe I'm gay, go right ahead!!

If you want to believe I'm not frum and that I'm a goy, go right ahead.

Kissy or Spanky??

Recently, a woman emailed me out of the blue. I guess she got my address from a group that I'm a member of.

Anyway, her thing is that she fantasizes about getting spanked. She is in her mid 40s, separated and never been spanked before.

After a few times talking on the phone, she asked to meet me in order to spank her. Even though, that isn't totally my thing, I have a kinky enough mind to go with the flow on most things.

So, we met in a coffee shop at first to make sure neither of us were serial killers.

She is actually a very normal, sweet, attractive woman who is prudish in many ways, but has this irresistable need to be spanked.

After about an hour, we agreed to get in my car, drive somewhere secluded. We got in the backseat, and i told her to take off her pants.

She turned around and i started spanking her. I could hear her moan, her need for this. She was in ecstacy.

The power and control I felt was intoxicating.

I played with her pussy and spanked her for about two hours off and on. Then she asked me to fuck her, which I was ssurprised by since she said she doesn't want sex, just spanking.

I said no because I didn't have a condom. But even if I did, I would have said no.

Funny as it is to say, I'm still a frum guy and i wouldn't have done it.

She then stroked me off...she seemed to really like my cock.

But the best part of it all, was all the kissing we did. I LOVE kissing...the closeness, the intensity, the passion.

We agreed to meet again, but so far we haven't. But we have talked.

As hot as she is, I don't know if i want to see her again to spank her or to kiss her...

Perhaps both!!

Square or Round?

I'm back my popular demand!!

First, I want to say a few things and then to the topic of this entry.

There is someone who reads my blog and makes comments that are not constructive or helpful in any way. I'm not sure if this person is a he or she but he/she has some very strong opinions about me and this blog.

Let me say that I don't mind negative comments or criticism at all, but I find his/her comments very mean and inaccurate.

I do respect women greatly, to the contrary of what this person believes.

I'm not a bad guy and I try never to hurt anyone's feelings.

I just write about what I feel and experience.

So, I ask anyone who is offended by my blog to forgive me, but I will continue writing because it is therapeutic for me and interesting to hear other peoples' reactions.

But I would suggest to anyone that they stop reading my blog if it bothers them so much.

To the topic at hand.

It has recently come to my attention that a girl I went out and broke up with a few months ago has shown interest in me once more.

I might have a chance to go out with her again.

I love this girl. I really do. She is perfect for me. Everything I have ever wanted. She is too good for me. She is kind, sweet, giving, bright, pretty, frum etc etc.

She would make a wonderful wief and outstanding mother.

Just one thing. I didn't feel any chemistry, and I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her or not.

Other girls I've been out with, I've felt that connection right away, that need to see them, talk to them, etc....but not with her.

Sometimes I feel like I would not be a good husband to her because I can't get "excited" about her (and I don't only mean in a sexual way).

I don't want to end up like one of these sleazy married "frum" guys trolling the internet for other women.

But on the other hand, she is perfect for me and I do love her...but am I in love with her.

I broke up with her last time because of the pressure I felt that I couldn't feel the way I should be feeling towards her.

If I go for it, maybe it'll just be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole (no sexual inuendo here).

It might never fit...but people have told me that attraction grows.

I think for every person and every couple is different.

Can a marriage really last and really be happy without that excitement to see the person when they walk in a room?

Any HELPFUL suggestions, thoughts and advice would be helpful...but at the end of the day, I know it's all on me!

Moron or Idiot??

I vote for both!!

That woman who I ruined my Yom Kippur over is already out of my life basically.

I am such a moron and an idiot for letting it affect me so much.

Even at the time I knew it was fleeting...just like every yetzer hara...and I still gave in.

Stupid stupid me.

Previously, I wrote about a girl I know who betrayed me like no one else ever has. I'm still upset about that. She used to be a slut.

She just had a baby BH, and she changed...she is sincerely trying to not be that slut again. But she is finding it difficult.

The following is the poem she wrote and showed me. It is powerful.

The trigger is pulled
the weights lowered
crushing
full
of my mistakes
parts of me I know exist
memories
I cannot forget
immense pressure
forced
to cower in fear
frightened
the addiction
overwhelmes me
takes over my senses
I try to search
to reach
looking for strength
to hold
I lose control
give in
addicted
I have failed

The trigger is been pulled again
the weights lowered
heavy
full
of past mistakes
parts of me
I wish did not exist
memories
I struggle to forget
irresistable pull
forced
to bend in fear
afraid
it will overwhelm me
take over my senses
I search deep
for love
grab onto it
hold it
light as a feather
it gives me strength
to stand again
gain control
I have succeded

Heaven or Hell??

That is the question of this time of year...heaven or hell?

"I put before you life and death...choose life" G-d tells us to choose life...duh!!

There are many explanations of this phrase in the Torah...but I lived it first hand last week.

I was good all of last week. Went to the mikve erev RH, didn't masturbate the whole week, although I kind of did look at porn and stroked myself but I didn't cum...I did have pre-cum, which according to some is just like fully masturbating...but I take the lenient view on that issues...lol

Then, I met this woman online on Tuesday and we started talking. I planted in her mind the seeds of my deepest fantasies. In the beginning, she wasn't into it at all.

Then on Thursday night we were talking on the phone and she asked me to start talking about those fantasies...so I did...and to be shock, she started thinking about them.

Long story short, we had explosive phone sex...and yes, I did cum...A LOT!! :(

From the very beginning while talking to her on thursday, I knew this was a test for me. I could feel it...day before yom kippur, this woman getting into exactly what I like.

I failed

miserably, horribly

I failed

As always I went to the mikve the next morning on erev YK. weird.

I looked at in positively to say that I messed up, but maybe that will make my YK more heartfelt, more intense.

BH, I usually have good YKs. I daven well, I even cry.

Well, not this YK. I felt like I was just going through the motions. I tried to have kavana, tried to have feeling, tried to cry...but nothing.

There were a few fleeting moments of inspiration, but they were interspersed with sexual thoughts of this woman. The only reason I thought about her was that she now fantasized about my deepest fantasies. That turned me on.

They say that on YK, there yetzer hara leaves you and I believe that. Yet, I found myself have impure thoughts and begining to develop erections.

I realized that it wasn't the yetzer hara...I realized that it was me!

G-d has to say to choose life, even though it's obvious is because it's NOT so obvious.

It wasn't obvious to me...or maybe it was and I just didn't care

My setback has made me try even harder this year. So, my system is, that everytime I masturbate I will write it down. not the time and date and what I was thinking about...lol, but just mark it down, so next year, I can count how many times I've done it this year and try to improve on it. Also, if I have it written down, I can see how manytimes I've done it and maybe that will discourage me for that time to do it again.

Even if that helps me one time, it is worth it.

The over-under is 750...I'm taking bets!! lol

Otherwise, life or death? heaven or hell?

Did I make my choice?

Did you?

Unholy Alliance or Urban Legend??

Recently, I've heard people talk about a friend of a friend whose third cousin twice removed sits beside a guy in shul who told him that he heard that there are swingers groups going on in the shul.

Yes, that is not new. I'm sure most of you reading this have heard these things before, but as you all know from reading my blog, I'm quite naive and innocent when it comes to subject matters such as these.

Specifically, I've heard it going on in shuls in 5-towns, Toronto, Far Rockaway and Brooklyn. Yes there are specific shuls that people talk about...and no, I'm not naming them here...but the membership must be very VERY expensive!! :)

I think they are all urban legends.

No one will actually come out and tell you they are part of such a group, and no one even knows anyone in such a group. It is always of the variety of lashon hara (yes, I know it might not be LH since, if it's true, they are a group od reshaim..evil ppl, so please don't comment on that since I went to yeshiva too :)) that I started this posting with...very indirect whispers.

At some point in the last 3400 did two jewish couples get together and swap? I'm sure they did!!!

Yes, being that there are rumors of specific synagogues might make one believe that they are true.

Notice that all the shuls on that infamous (or famous list) are more yeshivish type shuls...not completely, but you never hear of a modern shul with this happening.

Perhaps it could be some bias against sheitls and black hats...not sure.

The main reason I don't believe it is that I cannot fathom how that conversation starts among a couple.

Yes, I said many posts ago that a couple should be open and share their feelings and fantasies with each other. So maybe that's fine.

But I can't see how Moishy goes up to Shloimie during the mi sheberachs and says, "I really want to fuck your wife...but don't worry, you can fuck mine too"

I can't see that conversation taking place.

As I said, yes, it probably has taken place at some point. But that conversation taking place with 5 or 6 or 10 couples involved is UNIMAGINABLE!!!

There will be anonymous commenters on this post who I'm sure will write that they are involved in such a group...and I still won't believe it.

Either way, at this time of year, we have to realize that these groups are definitely an unholy alliance...so I HOPE they are urban legends.

Remember, if one is afraid of Yom Hadin, then he/she does not have to be afraid of Yom Hadin!!

Shana Tova

Real Improvement or Pipe Dream?

Shana Tova to all my loyal readers, and everyone in general!!

I had a spiritually uplifting Rosh Hashanah. I even cried at certain points, BH!!

Makes me feel that I'm not a lost cause.

As every year, I have made 2 "New Year's Resolutions". Well, I made more than 2, but my philosophy is at least one ben adam lemakom and one ben adam l'chavero.

I decided to try to cut my masturbation down to twice a week.

Why not to cut it out altogether, you ask?? Because, I know myself. I know that I will not be able to sustain that for the long run.

As it is, I masturbate a number of times per day on average. But I felt that twice a week is probably the amount that I would NEED to do it, but that it would still be a challenge.

That's not to say that if i only did it once and it's the end of the week, I'll do it one more time just to be yotzeh doing it twice.

I really want to stop. As pleasurable as it may be, I feel lonely and sad afterwards most of the time.

But I fear I won't be able to keep it up. I fear I'll do it much more...especially, when I get down, have a bad day or a bad date or whatever.

but I'm trying....

I hope my dream doesn't evaporate in a cloud of smoke.

Any thoughts??

Fantasy or Fiction??

Hello all my loyal readers,

I know I haven't written in about a month.

Part of the reason is that apparently I did something against the rules so I don't make money here anymore..I should email them.

But most of the reason that I didn't post anything is that nothing interesting really happened.

I dated a few very nice and sweet girls, but sadly, they are not for me, and I'm not for them.

But, a few days ago, something happened.

In one of my more weak moments (i.e. horny), I basically admitted to someone that I have fantasies about her. Why I did that, I have no idea. I'm still kicking myself for it.

Yes, she is sweet, and beautiful and funny and has this radiant smile and is just so unbelievably sexy...but it was wrong to do that.

Most of the time, you shouldn't verbalize fantasies unless you're in a loving and stable marriage. In that case, I think it might be healthy.

Anyway, she gave me a tongue lashing. She said everyone has thoughts but it's wrong for me to tell her. She said it's elul and i need to do tshuva and fight my yetzer hara and she said I should get serious and find a wife.

All are 100% true, except the last one. I am serious, and I am trying hard to get married.

People mistakenly believe that it is so easy for everyone to get married. Like there is a "Spouse" aisle at Walgreens and all you have to do is walk down the aisle (literally and figuratively) and pick one and voila...happily ever after!!!

Doesn't work that way...for most people.

Also, I believe that whatever fantasy life I have does not hinder my chances of getting married, it helps it.

Because I know how empty it is. I know after phone sex or watching a woman on webcam the empty and lonely feeling that exists.

What I do is not to replace a wife, it is just to feed the beast that burns inside me.

I'm a sweet frum guy. I'm sincerely frum BECAUSE of my fantasies and what I do online...not in spite of it. What I do is wrong, and I'm not justifying it at all. But the older people get remaining single, the less frum many of them become in all aspects. Shabbat gets more lenient, kosher too, shomer negia for sure.

Even though it is a fiction, I'm still relatively strong in all those areas because I have an outlet...even though my emunah may waver once in a blue moon, I still stay strong and committed

I know with 100% certainty that when I finally find my wife (BH soon) that I will totally and completely stop all of this. That's not even a question.

This woman is still sweet and I respect her greatly for how she responded to me...and to respect her even more, I will attempt not to think about her during my weak moments.

But in all her reasons for why my thoughts of her are wrong (and there are a few very good and primary ones), she never mentioned one thing.

She never said that it was because she is married...

Might there be a reason for that??

I wonder..

Masturbate...or Not??

Today is Tisha Bav, in my opinion, the beginning of the Tshuva season.

I do try to shed at least one tear over the Destruction, and I have in the past, but it's becoming more difficult as the years move forward.

I am still hopeful that I will cry before the day is done.

I initially told myself that today I wouldn't come online as my form of giving something up (besides food) in my march towrds Rosh Hashonah.

Obviously, I did not keep to that.

Along with that, I have committed to not masturbating today.

But it's soooo hard (double entendre intended) not to.

I need to rub one (or 2 or 3) out so badly.

What should I do?

I'm hoping to stay strong

Have a meaningful fast

Right or Wrong???

Throughout my travels online, I have lived by one major rule.

IF IT SEEMS FISHY, IT USUALLY IS!

If I'm talking to someone and it seems off or just not in the realm of believability, then I stop talking to them immediately.

This rule has served me well and almost every single time I have used it, I found that I was correct. Something just didn't add up.

Until this past week.

Over the course of the last 5 years I have talked with this girl on and off. She would come online every few months and we would talk. She is kinky like me and she's fun.

But, I had never seen her on webcam or heard her voice over the phone. After a while, I stop talking to these people for fear that they are guys who are just looking to get off.

I must admit that I thought about "her" that way too. But, there was something about her. A sincerity, a certain kindness.

So, I decided to give her a chance. I figured if she is a guy then he's laughing at me, but I'm not doing anything sexual, so who cares. I just enjoyed her company.

A few years ago, this girl got married and went offline for awhile.

A few months ago, she appeared online and we reconnected. I started asking her to go on mic or cam and she refused. I was sure she was a guy.

I was torn up. All I wanted was a 5 second webcam turn-on. just to verify.

She showed me picture of her and her family and even her naked.

At that point, I smelled something fishy.

It isn't logical for a girl to send me a naked picture of herself and not show me her face on webcam for a second.

From her perspective, she said going on cam or mic makes what she is doing more "real" and she already felt guilty enough, and she didn't want to go down the slippery slope.

I said that I understood completely, but I cannot continue to talk with someone who I suspect to be other than what she claims.

I really do care about her, but I couldn't continue.

She cares about me too.

Which is why, in a last ditch effort, she went on her mic for me and said 5 words to me.

A girl's voice!!! phew!!

Now I have menuchas hanefesh and we can progress if she wants.

I know it was an internal struggle for her, but I so appreciate her trusting me.

I still don't know if she is the girl that she showed me pictures of, but I don't care.

I like HER, not only her look.

As long as she is a real girl, I'm happy.

So, maybe my one rule isn't so infallible after all

Betrayal or Bitachon?

For the first time ever in 10 years of chatting, I have been hurt and betrayed in the worst way possible.

I'm torn up about it.

Last week, I invited two married women I chat with to a conference call.

It was kind of a 3-some, but not exactly...no real hard core phone sex going on.

Immediately afterwards, I regreted introducing them to each other. They are both lovely women and even though they both chat online, one is far worse than the other. One actually meets other men and fucks them.

Since that night, they both asked me to introduce them online so they could chat. I didn't want that to happen.

But apparently, they found each other despite everything...bashert, right?

So, I told the "really bad" girl that I regreted introducing them and that I asked her a favour not to corrupt the other girl. She assured me that she wouldn't.

Literally 3 hours later, the other girl told me that RBG introduced her to a man in her same city and that they were chatting. She told me that RBG is trying to corrupt her and she laughed

I was livid!! After I just told her not to corrupt her.

If she does end up meeting this guy and doing anything, it will be on me, because I facilitated it.

Yes, she is an adult and she can make her own decisions, but she is already inclined to meet other guys, even if she hasn't yet.

I'm very upset.

I have always have trust and bitachon in people online, but this crushed me.

How could RBG be so stupid as to introduce a guy to her, knowing what might happen?

She probably feels better with what she's doing to know that other girls do it too, but that gives her no right.

After 2 years of talking, I stopped all contact with RBG immediately.

So, now I wonder about my online adventures....

Should I still have bitachon or should I worry about people betraying me?

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Where has all the Phone Fun Gone???

In my online travels, I have been very lucky.

Over the last 7 years, until about a year and a half ago, I have had regular phone sex partners.

But it was strange. It was like one girl every year. That girl would get married, start dating, or just decide she didn't want to do it anymore.

Then, almost miraculously, I would meet another girl very shortly afterwards to start the cycle again.

With each girl, I had a deep connection and strong emotional bonds, as it wasn't just phone sex.

A year and a half ago, the last girl I'm referring to got married and went offline, BH.

I have yet to meet the "next" sweet, wonderful girl for regular chatting and fun.

I have met a few women since who were very fun and I like a lot, but for whatever reason they cannot talk on a regular basis due to other factors going on in their lives.

I have yet to meet another girl wo has the time, willingness and desire to have phone conversations on a regular basis.

But I was thinking...even if I did meet such a girl, why not just date her seriously?

Three-Some or Three's a Crowd??

Where do I find these people?

I met a woman online recently who is in her mid 50s and going through a sexual awakening of sorts.

She is actually going through it with her husband at the same time.

They venture out to certain clubs together, and find exhibitionism very erotic.

Well, one day her and I were talking over the microphone, when her husband came in the room and started touching her.

He knows about me.

Long story short, he was fucking her as I was talking to her.

very very hot!!! hope to do it again.

but still...kind of weird

and no, I'm NOT GAY in any way...so don't even go there...lol

For Love, Marriage....or for Sex????

What the hell is wrong with me? Ok, don't answer that...lol

I got set up with a very nice girl and I called her for the first time last night.

It was a very fun, pleasant, easy going conversation. I really enjoyed her company...until....

Until a girl came online who I know who I have had great phone sex with in the past, and who might want to have phone sex again.

I've had phone sex with her hundreds of times, but in the last year, she has been better, or just not in the mood, or needing the "real thing".

So, for the mere glimmer of hope that some girl would help me shoot my load, I kind of ignore this wonderful girl on the phone.

Sure, I still talked to her with fake laughter, saying "ya" when appropriate,and even interjecting a story or two.

But my focus was diverted elsewhere.

I obviously want love and marriage, both together ideally (unfortunately that can be mutually exclusive these days), but my body tells me that I want to hear this other girl moan with pleasure.

What is wrong with me?

Oh, and you all probably guessed....no phone sex with that online girl...she wasn't in the mood.

I soooo wish I wasn't in the mood either

Sex or marriage.

Why am I constantly drawn to the wrong choice?

Dateless in Seattle???

No, I'm not from Seattle, but I am dateless.

Haven't had a date in a few months.

At least with dating, you feel like you're "in the sugya"

But lately, I've been feeling that days are turning into weeks and into months and I'm not getting any younger.

maybe I should call that girl back? the one who was sweet, frum, pretty etc etc, but I just didn't FEEL IT.

Any thoughts?

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Regular or Pervert? (Fine Fantasies?? The Sequel)

Another fantasy that I have come across might be even worse than the rape fantasy, since as mentioned, for some reason it appears that many women have rape fantasies, or fantasies of submission.

Obviously, though, they would abhor it ACTUALLY happening, but for a fantasy, it's a safe escape from the potential bore of their regular sex lives.

But over the past years, and specifically at the current time, I am speaking to 6 "frum" women who have an EXTREMELY TABOO fantasy.

Incest.

Yes, you heard me correctly...incest!!

As in a sexual relationship with a close family member.

GROSS!! DISGUSTING!! YUCKY!! AWFUL!!!

Now, none of them would ever do it for real, and none of them think about any person under the age of consent. But some are more inclined to push the envelope in teasing more than others.

But they do very actively fantasize about their fathers, brothers, and one woman even fantasizes about her son who is about 22 or 23 years old.

Again, I do not condone such thoughts or behavior, but I am just raising the issue.

The Torah obviously forbids it. In fact, we read about incestuous relationships on mincha of yom kippur, for various reasons.

However, the mere fact that the Torah had to include it as forbidden, must be that people have thought about, and do think such images.

The Torah doesn't have to give a law that we should breathe, because that is ingrained.

If it was ingrained that incest is so repulsive and disgusting than the Torah would not have had to mention it.

Now, incestuous fantasies are probably more common among boys, who think of their mothers or sisters or aunts.

I know a number of people who have either admitted to me, or mentioned in jest some incestuous statements...

Or even one guy I know who got a bit too "spiritual" one Purim and told me very flat out, and I quote, "My mom is a real MILF, don't you think so too???"

Even the term MILF, made famous by the movie American Pie, indicates that incest has permeated the "main stream".

There are main stream movies and TV shows (such a Nip/Tuck) with incestuous story-lines.

I have even met a frum woman years ago online, who was divorced, and her son, in yeshiva, was also divorced, and she told me that they have engaged in sexual acts, but not full sex, although she feared...or hoped...or both...that full sex was forthcoming. Now again, who knows if she was telling the truth or not, but she sounded sincere over the phone.

Other women I have had phone sex with who asked to play those fantasies have had HUGE, intense orgasms, moreso than if we roleplayed something less "forbidden".

Perhaps it is the forbidden nature of it, the taboo. I don't know.

For frum boys, it might be that since they don't have much contact with the opposite sex (which I actually think is a good thing), then the only women they know freely who let their hair down, figuratively and literally, are their sisters and mothers.

But I was initially shocked to find how many women think the same things.

So, is this a fine fantasy? Are all fantasies fine, as long as it does not involve a minor?

I know many women have thoughts of their son-in-laws. In fact, there is a blog that I read about a women who talks about that openly.

Obviously, sons are very different. But is there some comparison.

When do fantasies go over the line?

Again, for people who have been abused by a family member, I apologise if it brings to the surface terrible memories, and I think it is TERRIBLY wrong...but I guess you know more htan anyone that those thoughts are present in the minds of people.

But are they regular people or did they pervert their minds?

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Fine Fantasies???

Let me start by saying that this entry is quite delicate, but I think it needs some elucidation.

Let me first say, that any person who has been physically or emotionally abused should seek professional therapeutic help and should even contact the appropriate authorities.

I do not condone any violence or abuse/molestation in any way shape or form. It is evil immoral, illegal, and wrong.

I do not mean to hurt or offend anyone by this blog and apologize ahead of time if I do so.

This posting is not for everyone to read, so please use judgment as to whether you want to continue reading.

What are fantasies? How do they develop? How can they be satisfied or fulfilled?

I have been thinking quite a bit about this topic for quite some time.

When I first arrived online and started chatting about 8 or 9 years ago, I was initially shocked to hear some of the thoughts that women have.

I always knew that men are perverts, but women!?!? I was stunned.

The first time a woman told me she has a fantasy of being raped, I couldn't believe it. What woman would have that as a sexual fantasy that she gets aroused by?

After years of becoming less naive (unfortunately), I have realized that it is a fairly common and prevalent fantasy that many women have.

Let me again reiterate that I am NOT in favor of rape in any way, and I am not saying that every single woman thinks about rape.

What I am saying is that MANY (not all, not even most) women think about it.

Obviously, this fantasy is not necessarily about the sex. It is about the control, strength of the man and submission of the woman. The idea of giving up control, etc.

In my online travels, I have spoken to three women who have been raped in reality (there might have been more than i spoke with, but these 3 told me about it). Beyond the horrific nature of the act which was perpetrated against these women, there was another reaction.

One woman told me that it was the worst day of her life, but that she has never had a more powerful and intense orgasm in her whole life. That, in turn, made her feel more guilty for "enjoying it".

It has manifested itself for her, in that since that day, she has tried to find sexual experiences which are harder, rougher, more violent...just to relive the feeling.

She DOES NOT want to be raped again, but it has now become part of who she is and part of her sexual make-up.

So, I ask...

Are all fantasies fine? or are there some fantasies that should be discouraged? (omitting obviously fantasies about children which should be punished and discouraged)

Please let me know your thoughts. I have tried to be sensitive about this topic, so please respond in kind.

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Nothing New Under the Sun?

So, I have been away for awhile. on vacation, sabbatical, whatever.

And even afte ra month away, I come back here with absolutely nothing new to report.

No dates, no prospects, not even any fun online play partners.

Just a lot more masturbating and feeling pleasure for a second.

I guess life is like that...ups and downs

Hopefully, things will pick up BH

Calm Kallahs Making Me Nervous???

For the uninformed, the blissfully ignorant, Calm Kallahs (CK) is a website geared towards jewish wedding stuff.

However, the creators of the website installed a section on the website, in which people, specifically observant Jewish people, can post questions, comments, concerns about their private and intimate lives with their spouses.

I'm still unsure if the creators were just smarter than everyone else and knew that a website with a section of that nature would attract a lot of traffic, or whether it initially was an incidental portion of their concept. I suspect the former.

I must admit that the last time I actually perused that website was about 3 years ago. While many individuals ask serious and sometimes not so serious, but nevertheless important, halachic (jewish law) questions about sexuality, there are probably many people who are just there to make fun and joke, criticize and frankly, to get off!!

It seems that many postings there were written by horny teenaged boys, either pretending to be women, or pretending to be horny adult boys.

Again the internet has reached its lowest common denominator. A website like this serves a much needed purpose for uninformed, scared or curious frum newlyweds who realize that maybe the Chasson and Kallah teachers didn't tell them EVERYTHING they need or want to know.

But the people who view it as a joke or frum porn or frum voyeurism devalue it.

There are very funny, sad and informative issues being discussed there, but it still makes me very very nervous.

The fakers don't make me nervous. It's the real husbands and wives who make me nervous.

I find it extremely sad that husbands and wives don't trust each other enough to reveal their thoughts, feelings and fantasies...the deepest parts of themselves.

Even though they are frum, they are also human. Perhaps the spouses won't be sickened with the fantasies.

I'm still single, but I thought marriage was about sharing.

I guess it makes me nervous because ot gets me thinking...

What will my wife hide from me? What won't she share with me about her fantasies? Will I also be afraid or will I tell her my fantasies? Will I be completely comfortable around my wife?

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