Great Date!! Maybe not!!

Last week I was set up with a girl.

Surprisingly, it was a great date. One of the best first dates I've ever been on. She was sweet, smart, funny, frum, and attractive.

We had a great time (in a completely shomer negia type way, of course).

When we went our separate ways, I wanted to ask her out again, but since we are supposedly frum, I figured it was best to go through the shadchan.

The next day, I called the shadchan and advised her that I had a wonderful time and that I'd like to go out again.

She called me back a few days later and informed me that the girl thought I was very nice, very funny, and very very intelligent. I guess I'm an even better actor!!

But she did not want to go out with me anymore.

I was surprised about that too, since we both legitimately had a great time.

But as a consolation prize, she told the shadchan that she might have a friend that would be perfect for me.

But I'm not sure if that's just something people say to assuage their own guilt about not wanting to go out again.

A rabbi of mine once told me that I date wrong. I assume that the girl I go out with is not for me until she proves me wrong.

I should date thinking that a girl is for me...until she proves me wrong.

I think that's a good lesson for many people.

Any thoughts from internet-land??

Holiness and Hypocracy and Happiness??

This past shabbos, we read Acharei Mot/Kedoshim.

In AM, we read about all the forbidden relationships that we read on mincha yom kippur.

The fact that it is written in the Torah indicates to me that some people actually think and fantasize about these types of relationships (i.e incest).

Whether that is a person's deepest desires, like freud said, or the nature of a person is to be repulsed by it and some people just pervert themselves and their minds...the fact remains that if the Torah mentions it, it means it is on people's minds.

Obviously, I'm not talking about abuse or molestation. That is 100% wrong, illegal, immoral and disgusting.

The Torah is talking about a relationship between consenting adults.

In my online travels, I have met many people...and many women who secretly have this deep-seeded fantasy and desire.

Shocking at first. not anymore.

Then Kedoshim.

Rashi says that to be holy or separate and distinct, a person must separate himself/herself as far away from sexual immorality as possible.

I was standing in front of my shul saying this, talking about how sexual immorality is terrible...and the whole time I'm thinking what a hypocrite I am.

Given what I do online and my thoughts and fantasies, how can I talk about being holy and separate myself from sexual immorality, when at the same time, I want to fuck a few married women in my shul??

I'm usually a very happy person...but my hypocracy doesn't help my happiness!!!

But will I change?

I doubt it

Back to the Future

So, Pesach is a time to look back, in order to move forward. The Haftarah for the last days of Pesach represent that, talking about the "dry bones" prophecy, and the lions laying with the lamb prophecy...refereing to the time of Mashiach, BB.

I, too, am back here looking to the future.

I have written in a long time because I was busy with work and family stuff. But also, I don't see that anyone is reading or commenting on my blog, so I don't have motivation to continue writing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to the wall with no feedback.

But then I realized, that this I can use this blog for myself, whether other people read it or not. It can help sort out my thoughts aand feelings.

So, I haven't been on a date in a long while...and I've been masturbating up a storm.

I'm definitely a kinky bastard!!!

Blink of an Eye

The Gemara says that the geula comes in the blink of an eye. Rashi says on that, that it's not (necessarily) talking about a communal geula, but every person's individual geula.

Geula, meaning redemption, is a strange thing. Sometimes when you find reach your geula, it turns out to be not exactly what you expected.

I haven't been on a date in awhile, so I don't see my geula coming...but you never know...a blink of an eye, right??

Last night I was feeling lonely. Don't know why, but I was.

But I think it's better to lonely when you're alone than lonely while you're married.

I pray that everyone has a pesach which will begin the process of our redemption as a nation and each person's personal redemption.

L'Shana Haba B'Yerushalayim!!

HELP!!

So, since I am a giver, I have decided to help out the few (perhaps very few) people who actually read my blog.

There is a wonderful website to help frum jews break their internet addictions.

http://www.guardyoureyes.org/

In all honesty, a few months ago, a girl I used to talk to got involved with the website and told me about it, and BH, she doesn't talk to me anymore. BH, not because I didn't like her, but BH because she has tried to overcome her problem.

I signed up for the daily emails, but I have never checked it.

Then yesterday, the girl that I wrote about in a previous blog, the one who is married that I thought I had feelings for told me about the website too.

So, it is getting filtered out to the masses.

The operators of the site are very smart. There are men's forums and women's forums. BUT, apparently, men cannot see the women's forum. However, I have no idea how they know since I didn't sign up and it still took me only to the men's forum. Perhaps, that is their default since they realize that most guys will be trolling for girls.

I give the website a lot of credit for trying to stem the problem.

But I give even more credit to the strong, holy men and women who turn to that website for help. It is difficult to do.

They inspire me

Being Sick

I've been very sick for the past few days. The sickest I have been in my entire life, up to this point.

I have a stomach bug...throwing up, diarea (wrong spelling, I know).

I'm also achy all over. I can't make a move without moaning.

I feel like an old man.

I also realize how alone I am. My family is great and gets me a drink when I need it, etc., but there is something missing when a person is sick, and no spouse to take care of them.

Be'ezrat H-shem, one day soon

Refuah shlema to all of Am Yisrael

Loathing of Lobbies

I apologize to all my loyal followers (however few in number you may be).

I have not written anything in about 3 weeks because I was away in Israel, and I did not have access to a computer where I could write freely.

I just landed today...Motzei Shabbos flights are the worst...but that is a topic for another day.

While in Israel, I got set up with a few girls. They were all very sweet, but not for me.

I am a shadchan's dream guy. I'm frum, a professional, sweet, funny, etc etc...the shadchanim like me so much,sometimes I wish I could date them!!

So this one shadchan calls me up and says that the girl has agreed to go out with me and that for the first date, I should go to a hotel lobby.

I informed the woman that a hotel lobby really isn't my style. I'd much rather go to a coffee shop, or chas veshalom, actually spend a few dollars buy the girl something to eat!!

The shadchan responded with a definitive NO! The girl is frum and wants to go to a hotel lobby, as this is how it is done in Israel (I have dated in Israel for many years and that is not necessarily true).

I relented and said if that's where the girl feels most comfortable then that is fine with me. I could care less.

The next morning the shadchan calls me back and says, "OK, no lobby". I asked what happened.

She told the girl that she told me that we needed to go to a hotel lobby, but that I really didn't want to, but she made me go.

The girl told the shadchan, "Baruch H-shem, I hate hotel lobbies".

The shadchan attributed her loathing of lobbies to her originating from a location a bit outside the main frummy enclaves...as if every "normal" frum girl from Flatbush or Monsey loves the lobby.

In any case, that was already a gold star for the girl in my book!!

We ended up going to some very quaint little coffee shop. She was very sweet and wanted to go out again. For a specific reason (no, not looks), I declined.

My rant on this day is that the frum world nowadays has inented these artificial constructs that are so arbitrary and they treat it as if Moshe brought it down from the mountain.

I have spent my whole life in yeshiva and I'm almost positive that there is no commandment, "Thou shall sit awkwardly in a hotel lobby when thou takes a chick out on a date"

There is no halacha anywhere that says that...even in contemporary sources.

Yet, this shadchan, even though meaning well, stated that a lobby is a must.

For many girls and guys that is true. I respect that. But for them, it is a must as a social construct more than a religious one.

Another arbitrary construct is separate seating. Until 60 years ago, not even the frummest and most holy people had separate seating functions. It is a bit different than the lobby, because separate seating does have contemporary halachic support.

A rabbi I learn with and respect greatly had a point of view that if 5 single guys and 5 single girls are sitting at a table together at a wedding, the mind (at least of the guys) would wander.

I wholeheartedly agreed. (But I also said, that maybe the mind wanders because boys and girls are so separate that when they finally do interact, it creates impure thoughts that might not otherwise be there)

(As an aside, that made me think of a cute joke.

What is black, white, and red all over? A yeshiva bochur on a date!!! Cute, I know.)

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

But I asked what the difference would be if a shadchan set me up on dates which each of those 5 girls individually. Wouldn't I be having impure thoughts then too? He responded that I wouldn't given that it is in the different framework and context.

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm not a rabbi...yet, but all I know is one thing.

Frumkeit does NOT necessarily equal Yiddishkeit