Square or Round?

I'm back my popular demand!!

First, I want to say a few things and then to the topic of this entry.

There is someone who reads my blog and makes comments that are not constructive or helpful in any way. I'm not sure if this person is a he or she but he/she has some very strong opinions about me and this blog.

Let me say that I don't mind negative comments or criticism at all, but I find his/her comments very mean and inaccurate.

I do respect women greatly, to the contrary of what this person believes.

I'm not a bad guy and I try never to hurt anyone's feelings.

I just write about what I feel and experience.

So, I ask anyone who is offended by my blog to forgive me, but I will continue writing because it is therapeutic for me and interesting to hear other peoples' reactions.

But I would suggest to anyone that they stop reading my blog if it bothers them so much.

To the topic at hand.

It has recently come to my attention that a girl I went out and broke up with a few months ago has shown interest in me once more.

I might have a chance to go out with her again.

I love this girl. I really do. She is perfect for me. Everything I have ever wanted. She is too good for me. She is kind, sweet, giving, bright, pretty, frum etc etc.

She would make a wonderful wief and outstanding mother.

Just one thing. I didn't feel any chemistry, and I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her or not.

Other girls I've been out with, I've felt that connection right away, that need to see them, talk to them, etc....but not with her.

Sometimes I feel like I would not be a good husband to her because I can't get "excited" about her (and I don't only mean in a sexual way).

I don't want to end up like one of these sleazy married "frum" guys trolling the internet for other women.

But on the other hand, she is perfect for me and I do love her...but am I in love with her.

I broke up with her last time because of the pressure I felt that I couldn't feel the way I should be feeling towards her.

If I go for it, maybe it'll just be like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole (no sexual inuendo here).

It might never fit...but people have told me that attraction grows.

I think for every person and every couple is different.

Can a marriage really last and really be happy without that excitement to see the person when they walk in a room?

Any HELPFUL suggestions, thoughts and advice would be helpful...but at the end of the day, I know it's all on me!

Moron or Idiot??

I vote for both!!

That woman who I ruined my Yom Kippur over is already out of my life basically.

I am such a moron and an idiot for letting it affect me so much.

Even at the time I knew it was fleeting...just like every yetzer hara...and I still gave in.

Stupid stupid me.

Previously, I wrote about a girl I know who betrayed me like no one else ever has. I'm still upset about that. She used to be a slut.

She just had a baby BH, and she changed...she is sincerely trying to not be that slut again. But she is finding it difficult.

The following is the poem she wrote and showed me. It is powerful.

The trigger is pulled
the weights lowered
crushing
full
of my mistakes
parts of me I know exist
memories
I cannot forget
immense pressure
forced
to cower in fear
frightened
the addiction
overwhelmes me
takes over my senses
I try to search
to reach
looking for strength
to hold
I lose control
give in
addicted
I have failed

The trigger is been pulled again
the weights lowered
heavy
full
of past mistakes
parts of me
I wish did not exist
memories
I struggle to forget
irresistable pull
forced
to bend in fear
afraid
it will overwhelm me
take over my senses
I search deep
for love
grab onto it
hold it
light as a feather
it gives me strength
to stand again
gain control
I have succeded