Nothing New Under the Sun?

So, I have been away for awhile. on vacation, sabbatical, whatever.

And even afte ra month away, I come back here with absolutely nothing new to report.

No dates, no prospects, not even any fun online play partners.

Just a lot more masturbating and feeling pleasure for a second.

I guess life is like that...ups and downs

Hopefully, things will pick up BH

Calm Kallahs Making Me Nervous???

For the uninformed, the blissfully ignorant, Calm Kallahs (CK) is a website geared towards jewish wedding stuff.

However, the creators of the website installed a section on the website, in which people, specifically observant Jewish people, can post questions, comments, concerns about their private and intimate lives with their spouses.

I'm still unsure if the creators were just smarter than everyone else and knew that a website with a section of that nature would attract a lot of traffic, or whether it initially was an incidental portion of their concept. I suspect the former.

I must admit that the last time I actually perused that website was about 3 years ago. While many individuals ask serious and sometimes not so serious, but nevertheless important, halachic (jewish law) questions about sexuality, there are probably many people who are just there to make fun and joke, criticize and frankly, to get off!!

It seems that many postings there were written by horny teenaged boys, either pretending to be women, or pretending to be horny adult boys.

Again the internet has reached its lowest common denominator. A website like this serves a much needed purpose for uninformed, scared or curious frum newlyweds who realize that maybe the Chasson and Kallah teachers didn't tell them EVERYTHING they need or want to know.

But the people who view it as a joke or frum porn or frum voyeurism devalue it.

There are very funny, sad and informative issues being discussed there, but it still makes me very very nervous.

The fakers don't make me nervous. It's the real husbands and wives who make me nervous.

I find it extremely sad that husbands and wives don't trust each other enough to reveal their thoughts, feelings and fantasies...the deepest parts of themselves.

Even though they are frum, they are also human. Perhaps the spouses won't be sickened with the fantasies.

I'm still single, but I thought marriage was about sharing.

I guess it makes me nervous because ot gets me thinking...

What will my wife hide from me? What won't she share with me about her fantasies? Will I also be afraid or will I tell her my fantasies? Will I be completely comfortable around my wife?

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My Last Date??

Gut Voch everyone.

So, I went out with the girl. You know, the one that the original girl wanted to set me up with.

Let's just say, it was the worst date of my life, as most of my dating experiences have been ok.

Even this one was fine. But she annoyed the hell out of me!! and she wan't that attractive.

But I took solace in the fact that even if she was the most beautiful woman in the world, I'd want to shoot myself in the head because she was so annoying.

Just her voice was like nails on a blackboard.

I couldn't wait for the night to end!!

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Open mind

So, I'm going out with another girl tomorrow night.

I made the mistake of checking her out on facebook, which everyone does now, and I'm just not so interested...

Not sure what my mistake was...checking her out on FB in the first place or checking her out only AFTER I said I'd go out.

But still going in with an open mind and a positive attitude.

I hate going on dates that I know won't amount to anything except a fun, slightly awkward 2 hours!!!

Great Date!! Maybe not!!

Last week I was set up with a girl.

Surprisingly, it was a great date. One of the best first dates I've ever been on. She was sweet, smart, funny, frum, and attractive.

We had a great time (in a completely shomer negia type way, of course).

When we went our separate ways, I wanted to ask her out again, but since we are supposedly frum, I figured it was best to go through the shadchan.

The next day, I called the shadchan and advised her that I had a wonderful time and that I'd like to go out again.

She called me back a few days later and informed me that the girl thought I was very nice, very funny, and very very intelligent. I guess I'm an even better actor!!

But she did not want to go out with me anymore.

I was surprised about that too, since we both legitimately had a great time.

But as a consolation prize, she told the shadchan that she might have a friend that would be perfect for me.

But I'm not sure if that's just something people say to assuage their own guilt about not wanting to go out again.

A rabbi of mine once told me that I date wrong. I assume that the girl I go out with is not for me until she proves me wrong.

I should date thinking that a girl is for me...until she proves me wrong.

I think that's a good lesson for many people.

Any thoughts from internet-land??

Holiness and Hypocracy and Happiness??

This past shabbos, we read Acharei Mot/Kedoshim.

In AM, we read about all the forbidden relationships that we read on mincha yom kippur.

The fact that it is written in the Torah indicates to me that some people actually think and fantasize about these types of relationships (i.e incest).

Whether that is a person's deepest desires, like freud said, or the nature of a person is to be repulsed by it and some people just pervert themselves and their minds...the fact remains that if the Torah mentions it, it means it is on people's minds.

Obviously, I'm not talking about abuse or molestation. That is 100% wrong, illegal, immoral and disgusting.

The Torah is talking about a relationship between consenting adults.

In my online travels, I have met many people...and many women who secretly have this deep-seeded fantasy and desire.

Shocking at first. not anymore.

Then Kedoshim.

Rashi says that to be holy or separate and distinct, a person must separate himself/herself as far away from sexual immorality as possible.

I was standing in front of my shul saying this, talking about how sexual immorality is terrible...and the whole time I'm thinking what a hypocrite I am.

Given what I do online and my thoughts and fantasies, how can I talk about being holy and separate myself from sexual immorality, when at the same time, I want to fuck a few married women in my shul??

I'm usually a very happy person...but my hypocracy doesn't help my happiness!!!

But will I change?

I doubt it

Back to the Future

So, Pesach is a time to look back, in order to move forward. The Haftarah for the last days of Pesach represent that, talking about the "dry bones" prophecy, and the lions laying with the lamb prophecy...refereing to the time of Mashiach, BB.

I, too, am back here looking to the future.

I have written in a long time because I was busy with work and family stuff. But also, I don't see that anyone is reading or commenting on my blog, so I don't have motivation to continue writing.

Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to the wall with no feedback.

But then I realized, that this I can use this blog for myself, whether other people read it or not. It can help sort out my thoughts aand feelings.

So, I haven't been on a date in a long while...and I've been masturbating up a storm.

I'm definitely a kinky bastard!!!