Holy or Phony??? Maybe Both??

This past shabbos, I was given Shishi, the 6th aliyah to the Torah, which is the aliyah with the Ten Commandments in it (10 Sayings to be Precise).

Somehow, I didn't feel worthy. Yes, I know more Torah than anyone else in the shul, yes I learn more, yes I try to do more things more of the time than anyone else there, but am I worthy??

I think I am.

Besides chatting online with women, married and otherwise, and masturbating a lot, I'm a pretty good jew.

But is that good enough to get that honour of the 6th aliyah?

I think I am not.

I chat with married women and have met a few of them in real life. True, the one or two I have met didn't go beyond kissing, yet I feel that I transgress the 7th commandment of "Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery".

Technically, I did not transgress it. But in spirit, I did.

I teach a beginners Torah class. Last week, we spoke about the BIG 10. The people in my class focused their questions on the adultery one (notice how everyone is interested in sex!!). We branched off from there into talking about niddah, shomer negia etc.

As I was talking, I felt like I was pretending that I was such a frum guy because I don't touch, I don't spend time alone with women blah blah blah.

The thing is, I really feel that these laws are important and valuable, so maybe it's not pretending, since I really believe it.

Anyway, I'm taking a poll....Holy or phony??

Don't even get me started on the 10th Commandment....Do not Covet...Are you kidding me??

So, Peyton Manning and my Colts just lost the Super Bowl. PM is arguably the best player in the history of the NFL (even with that interception), but he is so humble, modest, low-key and tzanua. I love that. He has "chen". I love people with chen.

Next year peyton...next year...