Scaredy Cat

I just want to respond to the a comment that someone wrote to me on my last post.

I don't know who it is, but I respect and value everyone's thoughts and opinions.

Am I scared? No.

But I do find it hard to connect in real life with girls I go out with.

The conversations on dates seem to generic, boring, shallow.

With this married woman...and other people online, the conversations are deep, and yes, sexual...but mainly deep.

I get to know someone better online after 10 minutes than I do on weeks of dating.

I believe the shomer negia is amazing and has real value. However, I feel that it also is not conducive to really getting to know each other, and I don't mean having sex.

I mean that shomer negia adds to the fact that people have to act, and be, all frum.

Years ago, I spoke online to a married woman. Her "thing" was that she wanted to get spanked. Fine. But her husband was not into it at all. He didn't want to hurt her, but that is precisely what she wanted/needed.

I asked her, while she was going through shidduchim, if a guy on a first date said he was into spanking, how would she respond?

She was unsure. On the one hand, it would have appealed to her, and consequently, he would have appealed to her.

But, on the other hand, spanking is not what good, sweet frum boys are supposed to be into, so she would have been turned off, thinking he is a crazy freak.

So, it's a lose/lose situation.

My point, though, is that most people never find out what their spouse fantasizes about, and yet, online, I can find that out in a matter of minutes.

So, maybe being online has contributed to be inability to get close emotionally to someone in real life.

But, I doubt that's true. I really think that lately, the girls I've been out with are not really for me. So, I'm not scared at all. I welcome emotional and spiritual closeness

As I said, this girl that I "love", is not real love...never will be. I care about her a lot, but not love.

I also could never be married to her, the way she is currently acting.

She cares about me too. But, I doubt to the extent that I car eabout her.

I know the limits, I know the boundaries. In my own mind and in reality.

and even though I haven't talked to her in a long time (maybe she read this and is ignoring me), I still consider her a good friend.

A shining star in my life...but not love. and that's the way I want it. and that's the way she wants it

Light. Fun. Lust. Laughing.

I won't get hurt, because I know the score. I know it's all in fun. Even though I care about her, I keep it fun.