Eisav Syndrome

So, on Shabbos, I was standing up in the front of my shul giving a dvar Torah, as usual (I'm even a better speaker than I am a writer...shocking, I know..lol).

I was explaining Rashi on a passuk, and just then, I was thinking, who am I to be talking, and giving a little mussar shmuz, as that is how my dvars usually end. I am the last person who should tell anyone how to live, daven, or conduct their lives.

That is what I call the Eisav Syndrome (ES). We all know the story of Eisav, who would be learning with his father, and even ask about Maaser on salt, and then, at night he would be grinding down at the Canaan Club with some really hot Plishtim and Canaaites. He was living a double life. He was living a hypocracy, a contradiction

Truthfully, every aveira we do is part of the whole ES. Saying Lashon Hara is living a contradiction if we truly believe it is wrong and H-shem doesn't want it.

And yet, obviously, in my mind there is a difference between Lashon Hara (going to hell the easy way!!) which doesn't seem so terrible (even though it is equal to the 3 BIG NO-NO'S) and other things that I do or have done.

Why do sexual things seem far worse than any other aveira. Maybe it is where my yetzer hara lies that I feel that way. Other people might actually feel that Lashon hara is worse for them.

I think it's true. For me, I can do 612 mitzvos, no problem, but when it comes to sexual immorality, kinks, masturbation, I cannot control myself, it seems. I have tried and been reasonable successful from time to time, but in general, I lose.

Which might be why the medresh says one of Tati Jake's (Yaacov Avinu) grandsons beheaded Eisav and his head rolled into the Maaras Hameachpela at Yaacov's funeral.

The reason is, b/c Eisav's head was worthy to be there, because he was a "Talmid Chocham". He knew everything...every gemara, every Tosfos off by heart...so his head is in the cave...

but his body, could NEVER EVER be worthy to be there for eternity.

As the Alter of Slobodka said, "It takes 70 years to travel from a person's head to his heart"